Countdown To Arsenal

01-12-06.

Look. Here’s the deal. As much as I enjoyed the disposing of CSKA London, destroying Olympique Londonaise is my ultimate high of football at the moment. Unfortunately, I have as of yet to experience this amazing event because every time we go ahead 1-nil, we give it back with about 10 minutes left in the game. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were against Liverpool, Newcastle (strike that; Newcastle would be horrific) or even Mordor United. (I’ll get to the Red Devils later.) It is the fact that our North London rivals snatch mediocrity from the jaws of defeat and it is pissing me off to no end. Right now, all that matters is Arsenal is playing like garbage and we are going to roll in there and embarrass them on their brand new sterile pitch. Former nemesis Billy Gallas is out with injury, so the back line will be rather porous if all goes well.

Step up Dimitar Berbatov. He is, without a doubt, the best foreign signing of the entire Premiership from last summer’s transfer window. Never have I seen someone who is so big be so silky smooth in every motion he makes. I don’t think I would be out of order if I called him Zizzou-esque. He isn’t the biggest of lads, but the way he can so effortlessly get around anybody and I do mean anybody, is absolutely astonishing. Last week against Wigan, he took the ball on his right foot, and in a matter of 1 second, he nutmegged his opponent and glided right past him on his way to powering the ball right past a helpless Chris Kirkland. He is very quickly becoming “The Man” at Spurs and not a moment too soon. Robbie Keane and Jermaine Defoe aren’t producing as I had predicted, but as Berbatov becomes a permanent fixture on our front line, both of them are getting better alongside him. Midfield wise, I like the pairing of Zokora and Huddlestone in the middle. Both of them have the capacity to drop a ball on a dime from 60 yards out and will do our front men wonders feeding them the ball to “bulge the back of the ol’ onion bag.” Aaron Lennon has definitely come through as the sensation just about everyone though he would be. The goal v. Chelski was nothing short of sublime has he faked Cashley Cole out of his jock when he took the ball down. Combine that with scorching pace and horrifyingly good control when running around in the box, any left back will be soiling himself at the prospect of defending him all day long. On the left side, we finally get a look at our last summer signing Steed Malbranque. From what little I’ve seen of him, I like his style and creativity. Steed could easily have netted one last weekend and helped set up another. As much as I like Hossam Ghaly, Malbranque is going to be the man out there on the right side and I could not be happier. An appraisal of our back line when fit is a good one. Chimbonda has been epic this season alongside the dynamic duo of King and Dawson. The real surprise however has been Benoit Assou-Ekotto. Not a whole lot was known about him coming into the campaign, and to be honest, I thought he’d get suck behind Stalteri or Y.P. Lee for a while. Not so, as he has made that left back position his own and done extremely well in a new league against some of the quickest players on the planet. I guess the people that I have just pointed out are the reason we’ve lost just 1 in our last 14 in all competitions. Props to you boys; this is becoming the team I envisioned at the beginning of the season.

Now to that team a few miles away. To say I hate Arsenal is kind of like saying Iran somewhat hates the United States. The basis of loathing starts right at the top; Arsene Wenger. Welluh, welluh, I do not like him. He uh, he uh, he gets on my tits to no end. I didn’t like the man from his antics on the touch line last year and that didn’t help much when he threw one of his hall of fame hissies on the line against West Ham after The Hammers scored the game winner at Upton Park. Bravo, you jackass.

Oddly enough, I don’t mind a lot of the players. Henry is pure class, Rosicky is a great signing, and Billy Gallas is a big upgrade from that tattered back line from last year. I do have a bit of disdain for Jens Lehman. I’m not sure what it is, but he annoys the piss out of me. I think the main reason is because every time somebody touches him in the box, he freaks out like that mongoloid from “There’s Something About Mary” when they touch his ears. Grow a pair and realize that this is a contact sport and sometimes you need to be roughed up a bit. Deal with it.

Ashburton Grave. While it is technically a marvelous stadium, it has all the warmth of Cruella Deville. It has no real character yet, and I say yet because I have to at least give it a chance to develop some charm like Highbury. I might be inclined to say that The Gooners’ record at Emirates Stadium has something to do with this. Well, that, and the comparatively enormous pitch they are playing on at the moment. At present, I don’t think they have the width yet to do what they do best, and that is playing “beautiful” football. Well, boys and girls, you can play all the beautiful football you want, but if you don’t stick it in the back of the net, it counts as much as the worst looking team in history not putting it in the net. As long as this pattern of do everything but score style of football is being played on Saturday, our boys won’t have the slightest problem piling onto the misery that is Arsenal’s 2006-07 season.



Finally, with this being the Christmas season, I’d like to end this blog with a little song.


Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Sat up and he said

WE HATE ARSENAL!
AND WE HATE ARSENAL!
WE HATE ARSENAL!
AND WE HATE ARSENAL!